Do you feel like you need some time off? Or just something to laugh about? Well down below you get to laugh a little with long jokes and short jokes. You can even share some of these jokes with people you know to see their reactions!
I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
What did the 0 say to the 8?
“Nice belt!”
Why is six afraid afraid of seven?
Because seven ate seven.
“Who’s there?..” “Control freak. Okay now you say ‘Control freak who?”
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATH!
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the world do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Its seven because I've already have a cat!"
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.
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